Extra, Extra: Boardinghouse Lady = Devil’s Agent

A team of skilled reverends discovered today large quantities of bacon, eggs, and cheese in the boardinghouse where the late esteemed Rev. Dimmesdale had lived. After many weeks of investigation, the reverends have also discovered a “C” on the breast of the owner of said boardinghouse and have concluded that high HDL cholesterol led to Dimmesdale’s fatal heart attack.

Dr. Chillingworth, once thought to have been the prodder of Dimmesdale’s conscience, is now exonerated. His devilish face has now been corrected with a bit of botox and eyes which once squinted devilishly are now adorned with contacts that give him perfect vision.

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