On my penultimate day of summer vacation*, I’m procrastinating the writing of my Jungle essay. How? By reviewing my English books, and by reading Tess of the D’Urbervilles. Though said to be Victorian and obsessed with purity and such, it’s all…Romantic. “Angel?” passionately kisses Tess’s curdy, whey-flavored wrist, on lovely cheesemaking day. I know that people put trousers on piano legs and went “ooo!” when some damsel gave them a peek of her wrist, but gees. Cheese?

*Yesterday and the day before were Link Crew training. Tomorrow is the Freshy Orientation, to where I must arrive at 7:00 am; Tuesday is the first day of school. So there’s only Monday left, making today the penultimate.

I get to have a girl who listens to Jessica Simpson on her IPod shuffle while in orchestra rehearsal in my link crew group. May the remnants of her brains be blessed with the goodness of St. Julian, patron saint of travelers, then sucked out through her nose and offered to aliens. You know, to appease them. So they’d stop injecting CO2 into our puny atmosphere and using O3 as their tablecloths.

One thing we learned in training is to “Yes, and..” every negative comment. No “No, but..”–not even a “Yes, but….” 

In one of the exercises, we had to make a story among our group members, saving the protags, the Whites, from certain disaster with the power of the “Yes, and.” When it was my turn, the Whites had just been refused employment at a small convenience store in the Rockies. “Yes, and suddenly, congress passed and Dubya signed legislation that would raise the mininum wage to 15.25. Seeing that his two trapped and hapless vacationers had no clue about his, he fired the 2.8 GPA teenager he once kept and hired the Whites at 7.00 apiece. In no time at all, the Whites had earned themselves a case of Vitamin Water, 3 cans of Red Bull, 10 power bars, and other accessories to get them safely down the mountain.”

Freshman: “This sucks!”

Model Link Leader: “Yes, and so do you!”